College is Hard

In episode 3, Jim Hurwitz reveals that his favorite book is The
Road to Self-Awarenesstown, by underrated
Jewish philosopher Mel Krieger. 
This is interesting, in part, because self-awareness in fiction refers
to a character who knows he is a character–Jim breaks the fourth wall at the
end of the episode.  Look how smart
a writer I am.  In any case, I
wrote to Mel Krieger (better known as the world’s foremost teacher of flyfishing) to ask if it would be all right if I reproduce some of his
book here on this blog.  I received
this message:

Mel Krieger thanks you for your electronic
correspondence.  Unfortunately, he
does not have enough time or interest to answer every email, bill, and summons
he receives.  If you are truly
self-aware, you’ll know the answer in your heart, or your soul, or somewhere.

Sincerely,

Mel Krieger’s computer

Here, then, is an excerpt from Mel’s truly fascinating book:

The Road to Self-Awarenesstown, by underrated Jewish
philosopher Mel Krieger, Chapter 1: Jump-Starting the Metaphorical Car of
Identity

            What
kind of car do you drive?  Is it a
Honda?  A Porche?  Do you ride a bicycle?  Perhaps a tractor?  Understanding your vehicle, both real
and metaphorical, is the first stop on The Road to Self-Awarenesstown (also
available in paperback).

            Let
us begin with your real vehicle. 
You chose this vehicle because of who you are, who you want others to
think you are, and whether or not you know what rear suspension is.

            Now,
you could not have made such a complicated decision vehiclewise if you did not
exist.  Am I wrong?  This is already looking to be a short
book.

            Your
metaphorical vehicle is the same way. 
This is the car you will drive through the pages in this book, the car
you will park when you put the book down, the car you will take to the shop
when you crash into a startling realization about your existence and such.  Will this car be an old jalopy or a
tricked-out pimpmobile with rims? 
To construct this vehicle, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I
   believe I exist?
2. Do I
   believe other people exist?
3. If I
   exist but my lunch doesn’t, how soon will I get hungry again?

If you answered “yes” to questions 1 and 2 and “an hour and
a half” to question 3, it’s the pimpmobile for you.

Elsewise, grab one of these and let’s go!